All Thanks to My Clock
by Alex the Anachronistic
Summary: Luna Lovegood and Severus Snape, in an inconspicuous position. Will this result in a short violent death or three adopted kids? Totally ridiculous.


DISCLAIMER: I am making no money off of this, and this site isn't either. This is purely fan-fiction written by a weird person who has absolutely nothing better to do than write this stuff. I don't own Harry Potter, Hogwarts, Snape, etc. J.K.R. does.

I

_Rustle_

_Snap_

_Swish_

_Thud_

_Rustle _

_Snap_

_Swish_

_Thud_

Luna is sitting on her oustside stoop, shelling a bowlful of peas. She grabs a pod from the bowl, snaps it open, digs out the seeds with her finger, and throws the empty pod into the heap at her foot. _Rustle Snap Swish Thud Rustle Snap Swish Thud _the pattern continues on and on. Luna's fingers deftly move in an effective easy motion that is almost rhythmic. _Rustle Snap Swish Thud Rustle Snap—_the pattern breaks, Luna looking at the pod in her hands. It has--she counts again—exactly nine seeds. _Exactly _nine. Luna raises her eyebrow in mock question, smiling a little at the sweet green vegetable in her hands. Here was an opportunity not to be missed.

Ever since the ancient witches, it has been said that any unmarried woman who finds a pea with exactly nine seeds should hang the pod over her door. The first unmarried man to walk beneath that pea pod would be the woman's future husband. Luna believed whole-heartedly in the words of the ancients, and knew that this charm would work. In her mind, a certain someone—Ron Weasley, in fact—would be the first man to walk beneath the pod. And that would mean that they would be married at one time or another.

Luna truly loved Ron. Although she never acted embarrassed or tongue tied in front of him, she couldn't bear the fact of living without him. She had just completed her last year at Hogwarts, and the entire time of it had been hell for her since she no longer saw Ron on a daily basis. And he knew naught a thing about how she loved him, nor, she knew, even had he known, would he love her at all.

Today it was the first week of summer, and Luna's father, Roman Lovegood, was hosting a company party for the Quibbler's staff, their annual picnic. He was allowing Luna to invite ten people her own age, though. So, in reality, it was also Luna's graduation party. The party would begin in an hour. Luna had invited Ron (of course), Harry, Hermione, Ginny, a girl named Felicia from Ravenclaw, Neville, another Ravenclaw named Penny, a Hufflepuff named Mindy, Mindy's Hufflepuff boyfriend Phil, and a girl named Desmonda from Ravenclaw. It was to be a potluck, with everyone bringing one dish. Luna and her father were both contributing one, too. (Although it was up to Luna to physically make it, since her father couldn't cook!) So right now, Luna was preparing a fresh bean salad with the aforementioned peas and also kidney, pinto and garbanzo beans, not to mention vinegar, red pepper, and parmesan. Her 'father's' dish was a plate of a spicy Mexican _fajitas_.

Luna, with a sudden rush, jumped up and ran up the stairs to her room. There was a nail already hanging over her door for some reason, and she simply stuck the pea pod on the nail. As she did so, a chime rang within her room. Luna looked to see her new clock, a grandfather all made out of clear crystal, shining back at her. It was her favorite possession, now, a gift for her graduation from her father. With a smile, she hurried downstairs again to resume her shelling.

As she went through the living room, the front bell sounded. Luna went to open it, expecting a guest who had mistaken the time. She was met, to her surprise, by Severus Snape.

"Miss Lovegood?" Snape said dryly, looking down his nose at short Luna.

Luna nodded a demure hello. Although she was surprised by the fact that he was here right now, it wasn't really all that astonishing to see him. You see, ever since the first downfall of Voldemort, Snape had, as a hobby outside of teaching, been a secret co-editor of the Quibbler. He had even collaborated further by penning a few articles about Voldemort and Hogwarts and such that they couldn't find anyone else to write. The only ones who knew about this hobby of Snape's were Luna, Dumbledore ('cause he always had a way of finding out stuff) and, obviously, Theodore Lovegood. Theodore was Severus' only and best friend now, since Dumbledore and Lucius were dead and in Azkaban forever, respectively. Because of the men's close relationship and the fact that the Lovegoods saw a lot of him, Luna saw Snape in a kinder light than others who only knew him as the evil potions master did.

Snape handed Luna a brown Muggle paper bag. "Here is the dried coriander your father sent me for. I really can't stay tonight, so--" But he was interrupted by Theodore, who came into the room.

"Ah, Severus!" exclaimed Theodore loudly, who came forward, hand extended. Snape grasped it in what one could almost call a warm manner. "Sit down, sit down, have some coffee, what. You should have mentioned that you'd be dropping in early, but that's quite all right--" But Snape interrupted.

"I'm not staying, Theodore," Luna's former potions master said gruffly, "I have business to attend to tonight. I'm very sorry I'm--"

Theodore laughed. "Nonsense. What sort of business would YOU have? Dinner with your cat? Dancing with your books? Come now, I'd genuinely like to have you there." He meant it, too. "Before you had an excuse, what with being a spy and all. But now you aren't a spy, and are a lonely bachelor with nothing to do but mope in your stinking little house all summer. So HA! You have to come."

"But won't people wonder?"

"Wonder what?"

"Why I'm there."

"Ah. Well, they can wonder all they like. If asked, you were simply making a delivery and I asked you to stay. No more information needed. Heck, and it's the truth, too."

Snape was about to protest, but, thinking better of sparring with Theodore, smiled (a/n: whoa, freakish) slightly and murmured "All right then, fine, I'll stay," and followed Mr. Lovegood in.

Luna went back to her peas while the men talked in the kitchen. Somehow the talk came to be about clocks, after a while.

"…and it's worked fine ever since," Snape declared, discussing his mother's old porcelain mantel clock.

"Truly clever, that," responded Theodore heartily "Now, I'll show you a magnificent clock if there ever was one," Mr. Lovegood said proudly. "Come on up and we'll see Luna's clock that I gave to her for graduation. You come too Luna, it's your room after all."

Luna stood, flexed her cramped bare feet, and padded after her father and Snape. Luna proceeded their small procession up the stairs. The door to her room was ajar, and she merely flicked with her wand to light the room. Snape came in after her, followed closely by Theodore Lovegood. Theodore, being one who liked to talk, began to describe the peddler from which he had purchased the beautiful clock. Luna, who had heard all that a hundred times at the dinner table, instead examined Professor Snape with an appraising glance.

He looked a bit more tired than usual, but he maintained a look of perfect immaculateness except for the greasiness of his hair and skin. His clothes were hanging on him a bit more loosely than was natural, and he seemed to have a cold, for he kept on sniffling annoyingly. Other than these discrepancies, he looked no different from when Luna had seen him last at school.

They all went downstairs again soon after, and not minutes later, other guests began to arrive.

Ginny and Harry, who were dating each other currently, came first of Luna's invites. Ron and Hermione, who although they weren't dating, were an accepted couple, came next. Then Neville came, hopeful and alert. Knowing him, Luna thought to herself, he had built up a whole romance story between him and her, that she had invited him because she secretly had a crush on him. Well, that was all poppycock. He was the only one to have ever professed to Luna that he loved her. Had it been anyone but Neville, Luna would have accepted his offer to be her boyfriend. However, she only liked him platonically, and she had explained that to him. Poor guy, he was getting his hopes up for nothing. Anyhow, then Penny and Desmonda, who were very close friends, arrived, closely pursued by Felicia. Then Mindy and Phil rang the bell, and everyone was there.

Luna took everyone out in the back yard, away from her father's party. After dinner, they set up a Quidditch game with their brooms. Luna and Neville were the only ones not playing. Luna acted as somewhat of a narrator just for the sake of doing that, and Neville cheered whenever either team made a goal. During the time-outs, Neville made very shy but awkward advances on Luna, and she dodged them warily.

Ron, at one point when his team was winning, fell off his broom. He had been only five feet off the ground, however, so it was not much of a drop, and he actually laughed when he landed. Gosh, how Luna loved it when he laughed! He was unhurt except for a few scratches, and he bounded up again as soon as he hit the ground. Luna grabbed her chance.

"Oh, come Ron, there's some salve in the bathroom, let's go get some and put it on your cuts," she said seriously.

"It's not much," Ron protested, but Luna was soon dragging him off by the arm. She was aware of Hermione looking pointedly at them leaving and whispering something to Ginny, but she didn't much care.

In the bathroom, of course, she couldn't 'find' the salve. "It's in my room, then" she declared. "Come along!"

Again she dragged him along, this time into her room.

As they passed under the door, Luna smiled at the pea pod. As she flicked on the light, she wondered when the effects would begin to work on Ron…All of a sudden, as she glanced at the clock she felt a déjà vu. She felt that she had done this before…wait…she had…oh no! Her eyes darted from Ron to the pea pod to the beautiful clock. She almost broke down into tears right then and there. Her plan had failed. Ron was not the first man to have walked under the pea pod…he was more like the third! And the first had been her potions teacher!

"Um…Luna?" Ron asked, waving his hand in front of her face. He was holding a container of salve that he had found on the dresser. "Are you ok?"

Luna shook her head, her eyes brimming. She felt like violently throwing up. "Yes, yes," she croaked, "I'm fine."

Ron looked at her again. "Sure?"

Luna looked sadly at him. There was no point in loving him anymore, she was to be married to Snape at one time or another in the future…

"Yes, I'm fine," she lied again. "I just think the shrimp in the pasta Mindy brought is getting to me."

"Heh, I had that and I'm perfectly fine," Ron said, applying the salve sloppily to his arm. Restraining the urge she had to hug him desperately, Luna ran away and threw up in the bathroom. So much for a nice day.

II

Luna managed to get a grip of herself after about ten minutes, and she came back down to the party. Ron had confusedly descended before her, and now was back on his broom flying about again. But the main focus of the teenagers' attention was none other than Snape, who had meandered into the back yard to watch the game from what he hoped was an inconspicuous position. Feeling as though she were going to meet her impending doom, Luna headed over towards him. She dared not look at Ron.

Snape seemed a bit surprised to see her coming over there. "Miss Lovegood," he said curtly by way of greeting.

"Hullo Professor Snape," she said dully.

"Have you…erm…I'm sorry Miss Lovegood if I seem at all intrusive, but…have you been crying?"

Slowly, Luna nodded.

Snape looked genuinely concerned. "Is there anything at all I can do?"

Luna shook her head. She croaked out "You used to call me Luna, professor, even in my first years at school, during the summers. Why do you no longer call me that? We've known each other long enough."

Snape shrugged. "Habit gets to one, Luna. You yourself no longer call me--" (he smiled for real at the recollection) "Sev-Sev."

Luna flushed in remembrance. Had she really called him that? She could remember, vaguely…

"Oh come now, Luna," Snape said. "Surely you remember that?"

Luna nodded. She did remember that now. She had only ceased the nickname when she had started going to school.

Snape shook with silent laughter. "You are so much like your mother, Luna," he said slowly. "Do you remember her at all?"

Luna thought back. "No, I can only remember what I've seen from pictures," she replied.

Snape nodded sagely with a reminiscent look in his eye. "I don't know if Theodore ever told you this," he said slowly, "But I was in love with your mother. I and your father were rivals for her hand. That's actually how we came to know each other actually." He smiled again. "He won all on account of the lack of greasy hair. It's worked out for the better, though, I suppose. I doubt that I would have made a good father."

Luna remembered how 'Sev-Sev,' after her mother's death, had been her best friend, taking her to the lake, feeding her with her bottles, spoiling her with candy whenever she was good, even giving her piggy-back rides on occasion…She shook her head in dissent. "You were my best friend when I was little" she said simply.

Snape mock-bowed. "I am glad you think so. I must say that you were probably the only little kid I ever liked."

"Well thanks," Luna smiled. She hadn't thought much about how old her father's friend was. He must have been about twenty or so when she was born. That would have been…erm…almost twenty years ago now? Gosh he must be old!

Snape hesitated a moment, then asked quickly, "Erm…may I touch your hair?"

In reply, Luna nodded. His fingers drew a few locks away from her neck and caressed them softly. Luna looked at the ground as he did so. It was weird being in this predicament. She could tell, now that she knew what her future was to be, that he loved her. A lot. And he knew it would be too weird to propose, because of the age difference and such. Hmm. No wonder he was losing weight and looking like he never slept. He missed her. Well, since she knew it was to be and that her future could not be changed, she was going to make it easy for him. Somehow.

Snape let go of her hair gently. He suddenly realized that Neville, sitting on the bench observing the Quidditch, had his eyes on them. Flustered, Snape asked, "Come over here a minute, I want to ask you something." Little did he realize that Luna already knew what it was!

They went a few yards away until they were shielded by a large oak tree. Here Snape bent down on one knee, which brought his head to the level of hers. "Luna," he said slowly, his eyes filled with pain.

"Yes, Sev-Sev?" she asked with a hint of laughter in her voice. Snape smiled, feeling more at ease. "Luna," he said more determinedly, "I know this is very odd, and very queer, and probably I'm the worst person you could ever imagine for it," he said quickly, "And I know I'm dmned inferior and I know my reputation. I built it that way on purpose." He took a deep breath, then continued, "But you know that I'm not as horrible as they make me out to be. That's all for show. I—I…" he floundered. Luna watched him expectantly. "I…" he went on, "I…would like you to…to marry me." He sounded almost like Neville as he said that. Luna smiled.

"Sure," she said, knowing that a) she would have absolutely no chance ever with Ron and b) that it was her destiny now. Tenderly, and hesitating, Snape drew her close to him.

"I love you like mad, Luna," he said emphatically. And he kissed her full on the lips. Luna tingled as his cool lips touched hers. It was her first kiss ever (although thanks to Neville it would almost have been her second). In a daze, Luna took Snape's (but she should technically call him Severus, though, now, right?) hand and they walked out onto the makeshift Quidditch range.

Later, when they announced the news to Mr. Lovegood, he was perfectly fine with it. They had a small wedding two days later at the Lovegood's home. And thus Luna Lovegood became Luna Snape. They had one daughter over the course of their marriage, who they named Macy, the name of Luna's long-departed mother. The pair lived happily ever after for eighty years until Severus died of old age at a hundred-and-twenty-something. Luna died thirty years later of similar causes.

And how, you may ask, did Ron react to their marriage? Truth be told, he didn't care at all. He married Hermione after a while. They adopted three children over time.

And what of Neville? Well, eventually, he forgot Luna and found that Pansy Parkinson (a/n: o0) was the one for him. So that bizarre pairing married and they had eight kids. Go them.

And everyone lived happily ever after, THE END.

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